While a girl could get me to put in more effort by withdrawing a bit, I am ultimately not looking for a relationship and my effort is only going to go so far. I’ve been successfully manipulated into relationships too.
In the end, they’ve failed because I knew in my mind, heart and gut that it wasn’t what I wanted and as much as I tried to numb myself into wanting the relationship, I couldn’t kid myself.
It’s distinctive silver skin, tricolor stripe and gothic “AA” logo dated back to the days of the its 707 “Astrojets.” Heck, my first ever airplane ride, in 1974, was on an American 727 decked out in the very same paintjob that, until last year, was American’s signature.
It was never anything beautiful, but what distinguished it was the logo — the famous “AA,” its red and blue letters bisected by the proud, cross-winged eagle.
Its uglier, even, than the hideous Horus head of the new Egypt Air.
It’s uglier, even, than the “rising splotch” that Japan Airlines came up with a few years back to replace its beautiful — the circular, red and white crane/Rising Sun it had used since 1960 (and which, by the way, JAL has wisely resurrected).
I’m not looking for that and when that starts coming up, I scale my presence in her life back considerably – I don’t want things to turn into a relationship and therefore I withdraw. I’ve pushed her away and now I’m going to lose her. my goal being that I’d like to return to “stasis” – that perfect sweet spot of comfortable company and sexual satisfaction without having to tie myself down to any relationship.